SIMPLE GIFTS - CONTINUED

I have discovered that it’s not so easy to make eye contact with strangers. Here’s the way it goes: I am walking toward a person in the Walmart or Target store and as we get close, I make an effort to look directly at him/her and smile. Very often they miss the smile because they quickly look away as though I might see something in their eyes that will give them away. I wonder what I might learn about them if we make eye contact. It’s an interesting phenomenon.

If I say “hello,” he or she will sometimes respond but even then without looking directly at me. When I have actually managed to make eye contact, smile, and say something, the response has been mixed. One time, I noticed the dress that a lady was wearing and said to her, “I love the colors in your dress; reminds me of spring flowers.” Her face literally lit up and she thanked me but quickly moved on. On another occasion, I caught the eye of a lady who was looking at shampoos while I was searching for my favorite hair spray. “Don’t you wish they would stop changing the packaging on these things? I don’t recognize the product I usually buy.”

She merely grunted, shrugged her shoulders, grabbed her shampoo and left. I wondered if I looked like a mass murderer or something. This is harder than I expected. I had suspected it might be just me who avoided eye contact, but I’m finding that it is rather the norm. Is this a result of spending so much time communicating with and through computers and hand-held devices that we have become more comfortable with technology than with actual human contact? Is it a trust issue? Are we suspicious of everyone? This is one instance when I wish I was more educated in the area of human psychology..

I was checking out at Publix where the cashier was a very pretty young oriental woman with whom I was able to make eye contact. Her smile was bright and genuine. I told her that she had gorgeous hair (it was the absolute truth) and she grinned and thanked me enthusiastically. I think her day was already bright, but I might have added a little ray of sunshine. I know she made me feel better simply by looking directly at me and honoring me with that beautiful smile.

A smile is free; doesn’t cost anything, does it? Well, maybe it does. For instance, if you’re having a really awful day and someone catches your eye and smiles brightly, you may have to exert yourself to return the smile. But I’m convinced that having done so, you will have released a bit of the tension that was weighing you down.

I wonder if the reason we avoid actual communication with one another is that we can’t spare the time to be civil. Our lives are unbelievably busy; complicated; demanding; frustrating; busy . . . busy . . . busy. OVERLOAD! Computers when they become overloaded simply shut down - or crash - before they are ruined. We could learn from them. Maybe we need to simply shut down on a regular basis and refuse to answer the phone or check our email or . . .

I’m old. But one advantage to being old is that I can remember when life was a bit simpler. When we received a letter from someone, even if it required a “quick” response, no one expected that response to be instantaneous. “Immediate response” didn’t mean what it does today. The person who sent the letter knew he/she would have to wait for return mail which might be two or three days, maybe even a week.

I remember “party lines.” When I picked up the phone to call someone, there might be someone else using the line (someone not living in our house). I would have to wait my turn. And unless it was an emergency (someone in our house was bleeding to death), I had no problem waiting. Most people think that we’re better off today, but I’m not sure about that. I think a lot of people feel like they have far too much to do and not enough hours in the day. Hurry, hurry, hurry!

What do you think?