SIMPLE GIFTS - CONTINUED

I have discovered that it’s not so easy to make eye contact with strangers. Here’s the way it goes: I am walking toward a person in the Walmart or Target store and as we get close, I make an effort to look directly at him/her and smile. Very often they miss the smile because they quickly look away as though I might see something in their eyes that will give them away. I wonder what I might learn about them if we make eye contact. It’s an interesting phenomenon.

If I say “hello,” he or she will sometimes respond but even then without looking directly at me. When I have actually managed to make eye contact, smile, and say something, the response has been mixed. One time, I noticed the dress that a lady was wearing and said to her, “I love the colors in your dress; reminds me of spring flowers.” Her face literally lit up and she thanked me but quickly moved on. On another occasion, I caught the eye of a lady who was looking at shampoos while I was searching for my favorite hair spray. “Don’t you wish they would stop changing the packaging on these things? I don’t recognize the product I usually buy.”

She merely grunted, shrugged her shoulders, grabbed her shampoo and left. I wondered if I looked like a mass murderer or something. This is harder than I expected. I had suspected it might be just me who avoided eye contact, but I’m finding that it is rather the norm. Is this a result of spending so much time communicating with and through computers and hand-held devices that we have become more comfortable with technology than with actual human contact? Is it a trust issue? Are we suspicious of everyone? This is one instance when I wish I was more educated in the area of human psychology..

I was checking out at Publix where the cashier was a very pretty young oriental woman with whom I was able to make eye contact. Her smile was bright and genuine. I told her that she had gorgeous hair (it was the absolute truth) and she grinned and thanked me enthusiastically. I think her day was already bright, but I might have added a little ray of sunshine. I know she made me feel better simply by looking directly at me and honoring me with that beautiful smile.

A smile is free; doesn’t cost anything, does it? Well, maybe it does. For instance, if you’re having a really awful day and someone catches your eye and smiles brightly, you may have to exert yourself to return the smile. But I’m convinced that having done so, you will have released a bit of the tension that was weighing you down.

I wonder if the reason we avoid actual communication with one another is that we can’t spare the time to be civil. Our lives are unbelievably busy; complicated; demanding; frustrating; busy . . . busy . . . busy. OVERLOAD! Computers when they become overloaded simply shut down - or crash - before they are ruined. We could learn from them. Maybe we need to simply shut down on a regular basis and refuse to answer the phone or check our email or . . .

I’m old. But one advantage to being old is that I can remember when life was a bit simpler. When we received a letter from someone, even if it required a “quick” response, no one expected that response to be instantaneous. “Immediate response” didn’t mean what it does today. The person who sent the letter knew he/she would have to wait for return mail which might be two or three days, maybe even a week.

I remember “party lines.” When I picked up the phone to call someone, there might be someone else using the line (someone not living in our house). I would have to wait my turn. And unless it was an emergency (someone in our house was bleeding to death), I had no problem waiting. Most people think that we’re better off today, but I’m not sure about that. I think a lot of people feel like they have far too much to do and not enough hours in the day. Hurry, hurry, hurry!

What do you think?

SIMPLE GIFTS

This morning when I opened my bible a little piece of paper fell out. On it, handwritten was the following:

“Middle age is when the narrow waist and the broad

mind begin to trade places.”

- Bud

I chuckled as I remembered this dear man who made so many people smile with his never-ending supply of little joys to share. Bud always had a joke to tell or a little piece of paper to slip into your hand with a cute saying, maybe an uplifting verse, or even scripture and always the quotation was signed “Bud.” Most of the jokes were what we would call “lame” and folks would shake their heads and arch a brow when they saw Bud heading toward them with “that look” on his face.

Whenever Bud told a joke, he’d watch your face and say: “There! “Made you smile, didn’t I! You’re beautiful when you smile, you know.”

Or: “Made you laugh, didn’t I? You know it takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown. So you might as well smile and save your energy.”

Bud was always delighted when he could make you laugh out loud at his jokes and he’d slap you on the back and remind you: “I’ve got a million of ‘em.” And I believe he probably did have a million of them. And I believe his lovely wife, Charlotte, had heard all of them a million times during their sixty years of wedded bliss. Nevertheless, she stood by his side and smiled patiently while he shared his "simple gifts."

Bud also liked to visit friends and fellow parishioners whenever they were hospitalized and bring a little happiness into their room. He was never solemn or sad, and always seemed to know the right thing to say to bring a smile to the faces of the patients and their visiting family members. More often than not, he’d bring a small bouquet of roses from his rose garden and explain that he, not Charlotte, took care of the roses. He was proud of his green thumb.

I haven’t thought about Bud for a long time. He passed away about eight years ago after a long battle with prostate cancer. This morning, he made me smile again and started me thinking.

I reflected on how that little slip of paper had brightened my morning - maybe even my day. Such a simple thing as that silly little joke became a special gift. And I began to wonder if I could find simple little things to do every day to brighten someone else’s day. I mean, I wonder if I could make it a habit to find just one little thing every day to do to put a smile on someone’s face or to make someone feel a little better about himself or herself. Might there be some little word or gesture that might help change a bad attitude or outlook.

I thought about how often I walk through a store without making eye contact and probably miss many opportunities to say “hello” and actually see a person who might need to feel “visible” that day. A simple greeting, a tiny bit of small talk (which I’m not great at) might make all the difference to someone. A genuine “thank you” to a clerk with a “You sure look sharp today! I love the color of your shirt,” can start that person on the road to a great day, maybe the best day they’ve had in a while. I have a feeling that the person who receives this little gift will pass it on several times during the day. Kinda like the movie. What was it called? “Pay it Forward,” I think.

And I thought about how many times when greeting friends and acquaintances, I say,

“How are you?” And they respond, “Fine, thanks. How are you?”

And that’s that. And off I go. But you know, that’s not that. They may very well NOT be fine - and maybe with just a little follow-up question like, “Are you? You look a little tired. What’s going on with you,” indicating a sincere interest in their well-being, will result in some meaningful conversation or at the very least, that person feeling like maybe someone really does care how they are. And that may be enough to lift their spirits and make them feel a little better. And, yes, I might find myself on the receiving end of TMI, but I’ll call it time well-spent.

And how about a hug. Okay, you can’t be hugging anybody and everybody. But hugs are so therapeutic, maybe even magic. Bud used to say that everyone needed at least five hugs everyday to stay healthy. He was a great hugger! A firm handshake can be beneficial, but a hug says I care about you, you’re important to me, I wish you well. I believe hugs could replace most anti-depressants!

I think that Thoreau’s quote went something like this: “Most men live lives of quiet desperation.” Things haven’t changed a great deal since Thoreau’s observation. We tend to be so busy with our own individual and family needs and necessities that we generally have no idea what our friends and neighbors are going through or how utterly lonely or despondent they may be.

I’ve decided to make a list of little things I can do – like maybe write out short scripture verses, or uplifting quotes, or poems or “little funnies” and passing them out when I am out and about. And maybe each day trying to make just one person feel good about himself or herself by saying something nice about how they look or their smile or their demeanor or their service - just something to lift their spirits. I can’t fix the world by sharing these “simple gifts,” but if I can make someone feel better, even if only momentarily, it will be worth the effort. And if the smile is passed on, then our world is a tiny bit better – am I right?

I think I will dedicate this effort to Bud and maybe he’ll look down and see that what he started is being perpetuated. A living memorial to a sweet man who made everybody smile.